Those of you that use the interweb to access information on your favourite French rugby team may have noticed two things. Firstly, that several teams prefer to go by their full names, names that for ease of appearance will be shown as an acronym. For example, to search for the Biarritz site you need only type in the BOPB acronym. Secondly, that your favourite team will share its acronym with plenty of other weird and wonderful organisations, bodies or projects, that reveal more via their website.

Unzip your carry case and come mouse in hand, as we take an alphabetical look down the leagues at what your search engine may throw up, beginning with the Top 14.

BOPB (Biarritz Olympique Pays Basque)
There’s not a lot of competition for the BOPB acronym, indeed the only other option you’ll find is the dour sounding Butlleti Oficial dela Provincia de Barcelona. It’s ironic that Basques or Plastic Basques also fits in neatly…….

CSBJ (Club Sportif Bourgoin-Jallieu)
In keeping with their boring status, all we could find was the distinctly insomnia inducing Colorado Springs Business Journal.

ASMC (Association Sportive Montferrand Clermont)
Now, this is more like it. Who wants to know the latest on Brock James and his cronies when you could learn about the ins and outs of the Advanced Semiconductor Manufacturing Conference? Failing that there’s the oddly enduring American Steel Motorcycle Club or the head scratching American Society of Military Comptrollers.

MTG (Montauban Tarn et Garonne)
Vying with Bourgoin in the boring stakes are Montauban. If your search on ‘MTG’ fails to throw up les Montalbanais’ website, you’ll come across the equally tedious sounding offerings from the Medical Technology Group or the Musical Theatre Guild.

MHRC (Montpellier Herault Rugby Club)
Plenty of choice here as we traverse three continents. We begin with the distinctly middle class Malvern Hills Riding Club (tally ho!). Who’s for a cup of Darjeeling and a cucumber sandwich? Things get a bit more serious as you stumble across the Manitoba Health Research Council, even more so with the no doubt busy Malawi Human Rights Commission.

USAP (Union Sportive Arlequins Perpignan)
An obscure-ish acronym surprisingly offers plenty of alternatives to the mighty Catalans. Top of the pile are the hard working, good folk of the United Stated Antarctic Programme. Your guess is as good as ours when it comes to the purpose of the Unified Slot Assignment Protocol. Issues are rounded off in cloak and dagger fashion with the suspiciously sounding Unacknowledged Special Access Programme.

RCT (Rugby Club Toulonnais)
Mourad Boudjellal’s charges are one of a number of options for the RCT acronym. Our favourite is Rhondda Cynon Tâf, the county borough of the once great Pontypridd RFC. The mind boggles at exactly what a Reaction Control Thruster is, whilst the little known Rochdale Connections Trust is undoubtedly cherished by those it serves. The last word goes to the Reverse Cholesterol Transport, something many visitors to France may have experienced after a few days on the foie gras and steak frites.

Down we go to Pro D2….

SUA (Sporting Union Agen)
We have a soft spot here at Le Rugby towers for Agen however, we have to concede they’ve lost out to the Sweetener Users Association when it comes to best use of the SUA acronym. Dieu only knows what the Spectrum User Agreement is, but we’ll raise a glass of red to the Shiraz University Association.

SCA (Sporting Club Albigeois)
This is undoubtedly the mother of all shared acronyms. Pride of place goes to Sexual Compulsives Anonymous. Woof. No sleeping in the back row please as we venture into the murky world of the Swedish Committee for Afghanistan. L’Ecosse is well represented by the Scottish Canoe Association and Scottish Chiropractic Association. Don’t expect gags-aplenty if the Sprayed Concrete Association is more your thing, whilst the Society of Cardiovascular Anesthesiologists is more of a mouthful than your half time merquez. The final word rightly goes to the Society for Creative Anachronism.

FCAG (Football Club Auch Gers)
You’ll find plenty of choice here for a seemingly awkward series of letters. Egos aplenty are massaged with the Fairfax County Association for the Gifted. How exactly do you justify refusing an application for membership on the basis that the person is not gifted enough? It’s hard to get too excited about either the Financial Crisis Advisory Group or the Forest Certification Assessment Guide. The rosy-cheeked folk of the Fife Canoeing Activities Group round off un sac mélangé.

ASBH (Association Sportive Béziers Hérault)
Not much to float your bateau here unfortunately. Take your pick from the high-brow sounding American Society for Bioethics and Humanities or the American Savings Bank Hawaii.

RCNM (Racing Club de Narbonne Méditerannée)
Local bragging rights go to les Narbonnais as they get one over on their bitter rivals, um, les Bitterois. Premier billing goes to the Rottweiler Club of New Mexico, conjuring images of scowling rednecks in Metallica vests. The obscure sounding Roadway Construction Noise Model surely has a friend or two somewhere, as no doubt does the Research Centre for Nuclear Microscopy.

USO (Union Sportive Oyonnax)
An exotic trio is headed by the Ultra Stable Oscillator, followed closely by an Unidentified Submerged Object and the strangely alluring Unique Sink Orientation.

UBB (Union Bordeaux Beglés)
We end on a high note with a club that’s had more acronyms in recent years than Serge Blanco has had hot dinners. One for the short-list is definitely the Universitatea Babes Bolyai, every red blooded male’s favourite Romanian university. Continuing with the eastern European theme is the United Bulgarian Bank. We’re not too sure what the Universal Beverage Base stand for, but after the internal squabbles of the respective Bordeaux and Beglés officials, it’s ironic that the United Band of Brothers also emerges.