Le Rugby's own Maestro of Mirth, Jimmy Tarbes, is back from a spell in Afghanistan. Not entertaining the troops mind, just torturing the Taliban. He's here all week...

New Clermont full-back Lee Byrne had a big surprise when we woke the other morning. When peering out of his bedroom window, he noticed that his next door neighbour, who’s a milkman, had covered his brand new Citroen in eggs, cream, butter and eggs. Welsh international Lee was fuming, muttering to himself “How dairy?”

It’s a little known fact that Lyon’s Lee Thomas is a big fan of knitting. So much so that he loves nothing more than getting the old needles out when driving his sponsored car. Last month he was doing just this, driving around the Greater Rhône-Alpes area following a pattern he’d cut out of Monde de Tricotage, when he was passed by a Gendarme, who immediately barked “pullover”, to which the ex-Pontypridd outside half replied, “No, it’s a scarf!”

Before embarking on his new career in Bayonne, while at the same time not having much trust in the Basque Country television retail scene, Welsh international Mike Phillips decided it was time to invest in a new flatscreen. Whilst walking down his local high street the other day, the fiery scrum-half saw an advert in one shop window that said “Television for Sale: £1 – Volume Stuck On Full”, to which Mike thought “I can’t turn that down”.

On one of his reconnaissance trips to Perpignan prior to signing for les Usapistes, Welsh wizard James Hook was taking a walk through one of the town’s local parks. While whistling his way along the path, he suddenly spotted a local hoodlum in the bushes throwing copious amounts of cheese at him. The ex-Ospreys man thought to himself, “That’s not very mature”.